As I walked in the house, all the faces were new
They smiled at me and the dog came in view
Then they sat themselves down in what they called the lounge,
With pictures of children and family around.
They speak of my Mum and my Dad and my Nan,
They speak like they think that they know who I am,
It’s private, my life but they talk on an on,
She tells them of all of the things I’ve done wrong.
I didn’t ask to be here but they tell me the rules,
They tell me they’re firm and will be no fools,
So I look at my lap, and turn off from their voices,
Then they mention some more about me having choices.
The dog still looks happy so I stroke on his head,
The life of a dog would be better I said,
They looked at me then and they squinted their eyes,
The fact that I spoke must have been a surprise.
I won’t say anymore, I don’t know what they’re thinking
I hide tears in my eyes by repeatedly blinking,
I’m sorry for Mum and I hope she’s alright,
I hope that my parents will not start to fight.
The worker stands up and says she must head,
But before she must leave we must go see my bed,
So we go on upstairs and walk into “my space”,
“Made up for a boy” but that isn’t the case,
It isn’t my room and I’m feeling so numb,
The house looks quite nice but it’s not got my Mum.
The worker then goes and I’m there by myself,
I stay in my room and put things on my shelf,
I think of my school, and my friends and my Nan,
I think who would care if I turned round and ran.
I think I got it wrong and have made a mistake,
I should have stayed quiet for Mum & Dad’s sake,
And now they are sad, so I breathe with a sigh,
I can’t hold it back and I’m starting to cry.
But Liz hears the sound and she comes up to see,
She doesn’t say much but she holds onto me,
She ushers me down and offers me food,
I’m not really hungry but don’t want to be rude,
The fridge is so full there’s so much to choose,
And plates and the bowls and glasses to use.
I end up with some toast which slowly I pick,
My chest’s feeling tight and I’m still feeling sick,
But Dave makes me chocolate, places down with a grin,
He tells me I’m safe and will want for nothing,
I don’t really believe, because I’ve never felt safe,
But for the moment at least, I might like this place.
Written by Tim McArdle – UK Fostering – with experience of placing over 1500 children over 12 years.