Fostering involves far more than the practicalities of school runs, meetings, family time, and appointments. Foster carers also support children through the emotional impact of sibling disagreements, feelings of rejection, and the ongoing effects of trauma on mental health and behaviour. These experiences can result in heightened emotions or emotional withdrawal, both of which present challenges for carers and families.
Recording these incidents in daily logs and children’s files is an essential part of fostering practice. However, the way language is used in these records matters greatly. Frustration and anxiety can unintentionally spill over into case notes, creating a skewed view of the child’s behaviour and experiences. To ensure an accurate account, logs must be balanced, evidence-based, and free from bias.
Why Language Matters
Children in care have the right to access their files as adults. The content of these records can shape how they understand their own childhood. Rebekah Pierre, a care-experienced social worker, has spoken publicly about her distress when reading her childhood files, which contained inaccuracies, victim-blaming statements, and dismissive language that undermined her dignity (Koutsounis, 2022). Her testimony illustrates how the language of professionals can have lasting emotional consequences.
Blaming language is particularly concerning in the context of child exploitation and online harm. The UK Council for Internet Safety (2022) highlights that children who are groomed, coerced into sharing images, or drawn into online abuse are often, implicitly, or explicitly, blamed for their victimisation. This can occur through phrases that suggest choice, culpability, or recklessness, rather than recognising the child as a victim of exploitation.
Examples of Problematic vs. Supportive Language
- Problematic: “She put herself in danger by sending photos.”
- Supportive: “She was targeted and manipulated into sharing photos.”
- Problematic: “He provoked the incident.”
- Supportive: “The incident followed a disagreement; contextual factors included…”
- Problematic: “She is attention-seeking.”
- Supportive: “She is expressing distress and seeking reassurance.”
Guides such as Language that Cares (Community Care, 2019) and The Children’s Society’s Child Exploitation Language Guide provide useful frameworks for replacing judgemental or blaming phrases with neutral, trauma-informed alternatives.
Recommendations for Practice
To avoid victim-blaming language in logs and files, carers and professionals should:
- Describe behaviour, not label the child – focus on what happened rather than making assumptions about intent.
- Provide context – note any triggers, emotional states, or environmental factors.
- Avoid implying choice in victimisation – highlight coercion, manipulation, or exploitation.
- Use neutral, trauma-informed language – prioritise dignity, accuracy, and compassion.
- Reflect on bias – consider whether frustration or stress may be influencing the language used in records.
By adopting careful and considered language, carers and professionals not only ensure fairer records but also contribute to a culture that respects and empowers children in care.
We have lots of advice and guidance in Carer Logs MATTER which you can access at
🔗 Carer Logs MATTER – UK Fostering
References
- Koutsounis, A. (2022) ‘I wanted to go back and stand up for the little girl that I was’, Community Care, 25 October. Available at: Link
- UK Council for Internet Safety (2022) Challenging victim blaming language and behaviours when dealing with online experiences of children and young people, 6 October. Available at: Link
- Community Care (2019) The language of care unfairly labels children – and professionals are complicit. Available at: Link
- The Children’s Society (n.d.) Child Exploitation Language Guide. Available at: Link
- Michigan State University Extension (n.d.) Avoiding blaming “you” messages can enhance communication. Available at: Link
Ofcom (2023) Children’s Media Use and Attitudes, updated 7 May 2025. Available at: Link